And now for something completely different.

New Troops

Dear Diary Dark Lords Journal : star date sumthing or other :
Was talking to Boba Fett about how cool it would be if he would let me clone him to make a new army with his genetic information.  He said something about how demeaning it was to see thousands of slaves who all look exactly like him or something along those lines.  I think he was holding out for more credits or something.  After dangling him off a cliff while choking him with my force power for a little bit he seemed a bit more enthusiastic.

We went to see the illegal jawa fights on Tatooine and were inspired:

 

Smaller warriors were actually better at accomplishing certain military tactics than full-size humanoids.

I had Boba step into the Easy-Bake Clone oven and set the control to four.

Out popped these little dudes.  I'm not sure if the control setting made four of them or set their age, 

cause they look about four years old.  

Anyways they act like four year olds so that means they are the perfect destructive force for me to implement my dark and sinister schemes.  I will be making sure to avoid attending any conflicts they are engaged in personally, because they are unruly hooligans full of energy and completely invulnerable to mind persuasion force skills.  I've used video games to hone their combat skills and they are fed chocolate chip cookies to incite berserk-er rage before being air dropped into hostile territory.  I anticipate watching the carnage they shall reap across the galaxy in my name.     

Droid Shopping

Finally got back from the outer rim and decided it was time to replace R2.  Who knows where he is?  Had the troopers search the entire Star Destroyer.  No signs of Leia.  Might as well do a little droid shopping at this Jawa Outlet I like.  Mostly refurbished and seconds, but you can't beat the prices. 

No.  Definitely not anything by Apple, thank you.  Next!

What's that one called?  A probe droid?  Uh, no, don't need one of those.  Next!

I can't be seen in public with a Hello Kitty Droid, what are you thinking?!  Next!

What's that one do?  Dispense Mountain Dew?  Next!

NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!  Next!

What's wrong with this one?  A bad motivator?  I'll give you 200 credits for it.  Let's go!

Fondue anyone?

To rid my Star Destroyer of the clone cat infestation, I enlisted the help of the bounty hunter Boba Fett.  Fett recommended a trip to a planet deep within the outer rim.  The inhabitants were very enthusiastic to cleanse our vessel, and hospitable as well.  They actually threw an impromptu parade for us!  There was a ceremony and I am now King of Melmac.  The inhabitants are not trooper stock, but perhaps I shall install a nuclear facility for them to operate on the Empires behalf.  I have decided to utilize Fett and my other bounty hunter connections to locate Leia.  I have a Star Destroyer full of cat hair and a lint brush with her name on it.    

Attack of the (Cat) Clones

Catastrophe!  Princess Leia must have left her Easy Bake Clone Oven turned on in her room.  Oh, the horror that 60 watt incandescent bulb has rendered!  I knew I should have got her the Lite-Brite Saber kit instead...bah.  What will the Emperor say when I tell him my Star Destroyer is overrun with Achoo! cats?!
If I start vaporizing them now I'm liable to kill myself in the ensuing dander.  Curses!  This cannot be my destiny, to be defeated by domestic felines.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Rebel Cat

Vader:  Princess Leia has smuggled a cat aboard this Star Destroyer. 
I DESPISE cats!  They shed all over and cause all sorts of trouble with my asthma.
Also they like to number 2 in my boots for some reason.  I want that cat vaporized on sight!

Vader:  There it is!  Disintegrate it!

Vader:  sniff...My elite soldiers cannot even shoot a cat.  Why is this happening to me?  Achoo!

The Darth Car

 Storm Trooper:  Holy cow this thing runs on fossil fuels!  This must cost hundreds of thousands of credits just for title, insurance, fuel and maintenance! 

Darth Vader:  Fool!  Of course it is expensive, it is a status symbol.  I expect you to service this vehicle and keep it sparkling like the day it was manufactured.  If I find so much as a dent, a simple scratch, I shall sever your head from your torso.  

Storm Trooper:  But why would you even want a, uh, er...this?

Darth Vader:  Think of it like this...as the Sith Lord Vader I rule the galaxy, 

but as the owner of a 1970 Dodge Challenger, I simply RULE!