Snow Days

Saw this infomercial today...

Lord Vader is always looking for superior products to keep the Death Star tidy.  If you've ever remodeled your kitchen, imagine what kind of mess we have on our hands here.  Might have to give this product a try. 

Lord Vader LOVES Twilight!  If a hot chick like Bella can accept that Edward is a blood-sucking leach and still love him there is still hope for me.  I've been so lonely without my Panda Bear Padme.

Oh btw, If anyone knows this girl please have her friend me on forcebook.com.  Papa likes. 

New Recruits

Sometimes funny things happen to new recruits. 

Joe and Ben here are about to find out why the Empire pays

double wages to work the deforestation detail on Endor.

Imperial Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Everyone wants to know my recipe for chocolate chip cookies.  I'm posting it here so you can all stop asking me. 

2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
3/4 cup granulated sugar
3/4 cup packed brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
2 large eggs
2 cups ( 12 oz. ) Chocolate Chips
1 cup (2 sticks) Imperial Margarine

You may not use any other brand margarine or ....gasp....wheez....choke....real butter.  This is the secret ingredient that makes rebels turn dark side and keeps them addicted...er...motivated...yeah, that's it....to do a hard days work for next to nothing.  Only IMPERIAL MARGARINE is acceptable.  I command it.  And don't even get me started on this stuff...

Eat this and you're as good as dead.  Oh yeah.  The recipe.  You take all the ingredients and beat them into submission.  Then cast them into the flames of a oven preheated to 375 degrees for 7 to 8 minutes.  Your yummy Dark Side cookies will corrupt your soul and leave you an empty vessel to do my bidding. 

Okay have a great weekend every one!

Career Fair

The Galactic Empire hosted a career fair at Centares Community College this evening.  We had some lively conversation about Criminal Justice, EMT training, and the future of the galaxy.  There really is a diverse amount of career opportunities for young cadets in the Imperial Forces.  Yes, we need soldiers, but that is just the core fundamentals of a much more elaborate chain of command.  We need munition experts, pilots, chefs, artisans, craftsmen, architects, scientists, musicians (yes, musicians, okay?), doctors, lawyers, mechanics, engineers, and so on for infinity, it seems.  In fact I think I might just take over the community college.  That seems the easiest way to assimilate them all.  Anyways, we had a great booth, here's a photo I took with my camera phone.  It also functions as a light saber.  Cheers. 

And now for something completely different.

New Troops

Dear Diary Dark Lords Journal : star date sumthing or other :
Was talking to Boba Fett about how cool it would be if he would let me clone him to make a new army with his genetic information.  He said something about how demeaning it was to see thousands of slaves who all look exactly like him or something along those lines.  I think he was holding out for more credits or something.  After dangling him off a cliff while choking him with my force power for a little bit he seemed a bit more enthusiastic.

We went to see the illegal jawa fights on Tatooine and were inspired:

 

Smaller warriors were actually better at accomplishing certain military tactics than full-size humanoids.

I had Boba step into the Easy-Bake Clone oven and set the control to four.

Out popped these little dudes.  I'm not sure if the control setting made four of them or set their age, 

cause they look about four years old.  

Anyways they act like four year olds so that means they are the perfect destructive force for me to implement my dark and sinister schemes.  I will be making sure to avoid attending any conflicts they are engaged in personally, because they are unruly hooligans full of energy and completely invulnerable to mind persuasion force skills.  I've used video games to hone their combat skills and they are fed chocolate chip cookies to incite berserk-er rage before being air dropped into hostile territory.  I anticipate watching the carnage they shall reap across the galaxy in my name.