Sunday, August 19, 2012

Forcebook updates

A dark lord has to keep up to date information readily available to him at all times.  That's why I use  It's really easy!  You just pretend to be someones friend and then they will basically reveal all the embarrassing and tragic events they have experienced that day.  For example:

Here is a picture of Boba hiring a WOOKIEE to fix his SUV.  How embarrassing!  Let it be known that I hired someone to put sugar in his gas tank.  But wait there's more!

Looks like troop morale is down on Endor.  Time to show the "When Ewoks Attack" training film again.  We'll have a barbeque to improve morale, maybe ribs and ice cream.  That should do the trick.

Forcebook also helps me out any fool stupid enough to disrespect me on a public forum.  I'll end this blog with a fan art someone made of me.  Because I'm freaking AWESOME!
Rest in peace, Frank Frazetta.   Feb. 9th, 1928-May 10th, 2010
Your art lives on through your many fans who miss you very much.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Natural Born Sith

Using Anger to tap into dark side powers is what helped make me what I am today.  My new apprentice may someday exceed even My potential....arise Darth Big Red.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hallmark moment

Got a card from Boba Fett today.  (which is really weird because most people use Apple iholo wrist communicators now) Here let me post it so you can see this.

~sigh~ It gets worse...
The inside reads:
Dear Darth Vader
I used to woder what friendship could be
until the Ponies shared their magic with me
Love and tolerance is the Brony way
I think if you learn that you'll be okay
Why so serious?  :(
yer pal Boba Fett

So I sent him this card.

the inside reads:
F--- you pony---
You can take your love and tolerance and shove it up your ---.
the guy who is going to carve you a new hole
The worst thing is I used to think he was cool.  I mean, we used to go kill sand people together just to blow off steam.  Not work or anything, you know, just drink a few brewskis and off a few sand people.  Good times.  I really thought he GOT me.  Dang.  Now I need some alone time in my isolation chamber.

Later peeps.

Sunday, July 22, 2012


I knew that there was something wrong about Boba Fett.  I had my suspicions when I first saw this image on the internet....

Yeah I know.  If you think that is bad this holodisk image taken by IG-88 is beyond damning. 

Boba Fett, you #$@%&*@$%^%%&^$#@#!! Brony!  I have lost all manner of respect for you.  How am I supposed to sell sculptures of you for hundreds of dollars a pop when you're out there acting so darn silly?  What would Jango say?  That's right, I invoked the name of your prequel incarnation, because even though in my heart I hate those movies, they make me filthy rich!  Do you know how much it costs to refuel just one Star Destroyer?  Do you?!  I think you hunt all those wookies just so you can make your own fur suit you sick degenerate.  I'd put a bounty out for you but I'm looking forward to seeing your humiliation at the hands of your peers. 

Saturday, July 21, 2012

A New Foe!

Deep in the outer rim I have discovered a planet populated with equine force users.  They pose a great threat the Imperial Party, because their television show ( a pansy bit of fluff intended for little GIRLS) is cutting into my demographic,18-45 year old MALES!  W.T.F.?  Lord Vader cannot afford to lose his merchandising profits to little magical ponies!  The Poni force users are surprisingly powerful, as I have learned for myself.

I have decided to withdraw my forces from the planet Equestria and study these Poni warriors.  Already a small faction have allied with the Jedi under the leadership of Obi-Wan Broni.  I must find their weakness and deviate them to the Dark Side.  Until then I will suffer no Poni or Broni left alive.  Either they will willingly spend their credits on official STAR WARS licensed merchandise or they will suffer beneath my tyranny. My universe doesn't have room for sissy boys. 

Sunday, July 15, 2012

2012 Election

My loyal peons,
Lord Vader has decided to accept nomination for the 2012 presidential election from the Imperial Party.  Don't worry, your campaign contributions are already being automatically deducted from your payroll credits.  I want to see my t-shirt on every healthy pair of lungs out there.

I will force choke you if I see this bumper sticker on your starfighter.

Do not underestimate the power of the Dark Side.  The fate of the Empire depends on your vote.

Thursday, January 5, 2012

News from the Battle Front

This is a hacked transmission from Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan.  The Mandalorians are taking up offensive positions in various free zones within Separatist space.

The Galactic Empire will strip you of all the freedoms you take for granted if you go passively.
Oh and I just got the cutest little Ewok today!  I got him from Pet Depot.  Don't go there BTW
the whole place is filled with scabies. 

Anyways here he is building a sand castle in the litter box!  Isn't he adorable?  I LUV my lil Snookie Wookems!  Oh and Vader?  You will never be my father.  Never.  Bail Prestor Organa raised me from a baby to respect all life and live peacefully.  The Separatist rebellion is necessary to overthrow a corrupt political regime.  I would rather die than live under your heel.